A year or two ago, on one of my favorite television programs, the main character deliberately broke his own hand to distract himself from the chronic and unbearable pain in his leg.

One of the other characters, also a doctor, mentioned (obviously for the enlightenment of the medically-untrained viewing audience) that the human brain can register only one pain at a time.

Is it true, I wondered. I called my younger son, who teaches college-level physiology, and he could neither confirm nor deny it. Frankly, that’s all the research I’m willing to do on the subject. (Now you know why I write columns in which I relate personal experiences and give my opinions, rather than do any real reporting.)

In any case, I tend to believe interesting phenomena mentioned on medical shows. I assume that if they were way off base, they would be rudely set upon by the hundreds of thousands of viewers who actually know about this stuff.

In April of this year I had knee replacement surgery. This is one splendid procedure our medical community has come up with. On April 2, I could barely get around without a cane; on August 2, four short months later, I am climbing stairs and walking farther than I have been able to in years, and I do it all with no cane and no limp – and no pain in my new knee. At my final checkup with the surgeon, as I waxed enthusiastic about the American medical establishment in general and his skills in particular, he agreed that this particular surgery has probably made more difference in the quality of more peoples’ lives than just about anything medical science has been able to offer before. I believe it.

But here’s the thing – before the surgery, I didn’t know I had so many other places that hurt.

Yeah, yeah, okay, I’m 63 years old. And more than a little overweight. Either one of those factors would easily account for a few aches and pains. It’s also true that, before the surgery, I was doped up on the maximum dosage of over-the-counter pain relievers a great deal of the time. But even when they wore off, the only pain I remember feeling was my bad knee. I just wasn’t aware of the kink in my other knee and something uncomfortable in the arch of my foot and minor arthritis in my thumbs and occasional twinges in my lower back.

I guess I could go get all these new little annoyances taken care of.

But I’m afraid to find out what else hurts that I don’t know about yet.

TK Magazine, September 2007

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